yesterday was cool and smelled like spring- rain and damp green grass. walking around was nice, finally. bare legs and lots of cleavage and comfortable. the craft fair was large and full of people who reminded me how creative i’ll never be, and how much money i’ll never have to spare, and how idiotic rich people are (that scarf really should not cost $500 dollars. give me three days and $50 worth of chenille and it’s yours for … $100. in order to stay fed, clothed, and housed.) the girls in my class made me realize that though I live in the suburbs but technically the city, I really do live in the city a lot more than they do. downtown baltimore is not very exciting. I go through it every week, maybe. to go to the theater, or the airport, or anyone’s house south of here. I told them I live at the train station, which is a lie, because mostly I take the bus, but it sounded impressive. the point was that I spend too much time Somewhere Else.
cell phone slut’s birthday was yesterday. there was cake, which no one told me about, so I wandered upon and then left, and a surprise party, which I found out about on facebook, after. I know I am not friends with “her crowd” but I think most people know that I am better friends with her than any one of them. and I am friends with half of the surprise-party people. and no one thought to tell me. I am not quite bitter (it will pass by breakfast time) but sometimes it is just a little too salty for me, this not having friends. (I have friends, of course, but not the way they do. I don’t have 10 people to invite to my birthday party who’d all get along. I don’t get invited to anything, ever. I sit with two people at lunch and I love them, I do, but when I’m waiting for them teachers ask me what’s wrong [being alone is unacceptable. fuck this.] and sometimes I just wish I was normal…and then I remember that everybody else drives me crazy.)
