oh no, I’ve said too much; haven’t said enough

I don’t think I know how to write anymore.
I’ve been doing and thinking and feeling so much that I don’t even know what to say or where to start or anything. It’s not overwhelming but if I tilt my head just-so it could be.
I love a lot of faraway people. Love is a spectrum, I’ve decided, because it’s silly to love platonically and then move past platonic and suddenly it isn’t love anymore. That’s nonsense. Also, I have issues telling platonic from romantic, lately. That’s fine. They’re all just people I love. I love this boy and it’s uncomfortable and inconvenient and it sucks, drives me crazy, but I do. I also love this girl and there are moments where I want to kiss her but we don’t really want each other that way anymore, so I can’t. And then there are piles of faraway people who I love together but not necessarily individually. Of course there are people to love here, too, and I do. And a certain girl needs to call me soon, since she just flaked out but I want to see her very very soon!

Also I found out that even RHPS can be profound, which is totally bizarre. “I remember… when the black mists would hit me, and the void would be calling…” I suppose noticing this sort of thing can only happen when one is depressed and also sitting in a three-hour rehearsal of Time Warp/Sweet Transvestite lip-sync.

I am not hungry today. I just want to mellow, to sit and look at pictures and listen to music, and sleep. My mother is worried now, and pads all her words. I wish she could get over herself.

I miss people.