escape

I have realized that if I could just disappear, melt out of the lives of others, things would be better for them. Easier. I am complicated and terrible and a pain. But it takes a lot to get them to cut me out on their own (although apparently not that much, and apparently not the kind of much that makes sense to me).

This sounds like a suicidal notion, emo-tastic. It isn’t, though. I would never do that, I can’t. So the other choice is to hermit myself away until I can physically leave, hide until they forget I’m there. Except that won’t work either because much as I would like not to be, I am still a person still me still needy and wanty and I can’t just force myself to be alone.

So what do I do? I try very, very hard. I will try very, very hard not to start anything or stop anything or interrupt or disrupt or annoy or upset anything or anyone. I will try to be quiet and not mess anything up. It won’t work, but the trying at least will occupy me till I am gone.